Another Great Huffington Post Article on Psychopaths! This one is written by Kari Blakely. This one is on the money. #4 and #6 really hit home for me. The psychopath I dealt with would constantly say, "you know if they ever got me in a mental hospital, they would lock me up" and then I found out one of his user names was 'cukoo' (ie, crazy) which just gave me chills. I can't tell you how many illnesses he had from time to time and it reminds me of Ted Bundy. I love hearing your comments, so feel free to write one. I hope this article helps you, it is well done. I also love her advice for dealing with an ex who might be a Psychopath, minimum contact to deal with the needs of the children is the best avenue. Stay safe everyone!
Written by Kiri Blakeley on CafeMom’s blog, The Stir .
Are you in a relationship with a psychopath? You might think that's
something you'd know right away by the red tint of evil in the person's
eyes, the swastika tat on the forehead, or the insistence on discussing
serial killers over dinner. But nope! Psychopaths can be extremely
charming and come across like Prince Charming at first. So unless you
know the signs, you'd probably get sucked into the life of a psychopath
and not know who he or she really was until you are completely sucker
punched. Here are 10 signs you should look out for to quickly identify a
1. Flattery like you've never heard before. Psychopaths
move extremely quickly. On the first date, he'll probably tell you that
you are stunningly beautiful, unbelievably intelligent, and
uproariously witty. He will play into every fantasy and insecurity you
have. If you think you're fat, he will tell you how much he loves your
body. If you think you're shy, he will laugh at every lame attempt at a
joke and tell you you should have been a comedian. This is called "love
bombing." It's the idealization phase he gets you hooked on, and it's
the phase you will spend the next however-many months or years trying to
get back once he abruptly shuts it off.
2. He is just like you. Psychopaths will try to
convince you that you are soul mates, just alike. He loves all the
things you love and you have all of the same interests. If you had a
tough childhood, he will say something like, "We both had it rough.
That's why we understand each other." If there's an obscure book you
love, he will make sure he loves it too. What he's doing is called
"mirroring." He has no real identity, so he sucks yours up and mirrors
it back to you.
3. Pity plays. Pay careful attention to what a
psychopath says on the first few dates about his exes and other people
in his life. Is his ex girlfriend crazy and stalking him? Did another
girlfriend rob him blind? Is his mother controlling and horrible? Does
he seem like he's had a tough time with people, who always use and
abandon him? Whatever he says about the other people in his life is
pretty much exactly what he'll be saying about you at some point, so
4. Illnesses and injuries. Psychopaths absolutely
love pity, so pay attention to how many illnesses and injuries he's had.
Did he miraculously beat cancer but it could come back at any minute?
Does he break his foot on your second date and has to cancel? (But
strangely is okay for the third date?) Did he lose his first wife in a
car accident that left him with brain trauma (yet he talks fine and
seems fine)? Try to check out his stories -- call hospitals if you need
to -- but don't be surprised if he has an excuse for why you can't find
any record of any of his traumas.
5. Great sex. Everyone wants great sex, but those
who have been with a psychopath often say it's the best thing they've
ever experienced. A psychopath goes out of his way to please you. It's
just another way of getting you hooked. Once he has you hooked, you'll
find yourself begging for sex because he suddenly won't want it anymore.
6. Cracks in the mask. A psychopath will sometimes
blurt out something odd about himself, apropos of nothing. Like you
might be cooking dinner and suddenly he blurts, "I'm crazy you know." Or
"I'm cheating on you." He will then either deny he said it or play it
off as a joke. A form of keeping you off balance -- but also possibly an
unconscious slip of the mask of his persona.
7. Silent treatment. Once psychopaths have you
hooked after the "love bombing" and "idealization" phase, they then
begin to devalue you. The first step in that is usually to give you the
silent treatment over something. Psychopaths are also known to disappear
for days at a time. Be sure, the silent treatment and disappearing act
will be laid squarely at your feet. In reality, he is off sizing up his
next target somewhere.
8. Triangulation. Psychopaths love to work you up
into a state of obsessive frenzy, so to do that, they idealize you, give
you fabulous sex, and then begin pulling away and "triangulating." This
is when they introduce other people into the mix to make you jealous.
It could be an ex-wife or ex-girlfriend, a friend of the same sex, or
even a celebrity. In the psychopaths mind, everyone else wants him, so
you better be on your best behavior, or he will move on to one of his
9. Discard. The final phase of the psychopath is the
"discard" phase. After he sucks you in with idealization, then begins
to devalue you, he will suddenly discard you as if you never had a
relationship. You are suddenly completely worthless to him. He will
usually move on to another target at this point.
10. "Hoovering." Although a psychopath will discard
you, he doesn't quite want you moving on either. If he senses you are
done with him, he will suddenly do an about-face, and begin bombarding
you with pleas to stay together. He will try to "Hoover" (named after
the vacuum cleaning company) you back in by saying everything you've
ever wanted to hear, making a million promises, and suddenly being on
his absolute best behavior. It's all an act so he can get you back into
The only way to get rid of a psychopath is to completely go no
contact. It's the only thing that doesn't fuel his games and ego. He
will make that difficult for you -- some psychopaths will stalk you,
most will Hoover. But to engage him in any way, even just to tell him
off, only leaves you open to more mind games, which he will win, because
he has no feelings. (Those who have children with psychopaths must
develop low contact, and keep in touch only as much as absolutely needed
as regards the children.)
Of course, nobody is perfect, and some people are just immature and
go through periods of giving the silent treatment, or "devaluing" you
with critical comments. Other people may triangulate to create jealousy
because they're insecure or bored or don't even quite realize they're
doing it. There are also plenty of garden-variety jerks out there who
will engage in a lot of "psychopathic" behavior without being clinical
psychopaths. But if your lover engages in much or all of this behavior,
then he or she is likely psychopathic, and you should run for the hills!
Have you ever been with a psychopath?
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